Weekend

Our After-Christmas Gathering started yesterday. Friends from the college years come and stay at my place for the weekend. We had lunch in Chinatown yesterday and also got food for hot pot there. The hotpot last night was nice.... we got lots of vegetables, tofu... seafood... and mushrooms and fishball ... We were all so full at the end and didn't even have dessert (ice-cream and/or "soup ball"). This morning I made congee with the leftover rice and food from hotpot. It was pretty good. Also made a guacamole dip which turned out pretty good as well. We will go have the seafood buffet tonight at Schaumburg.

~~~~~

On another note, I am utterly confused and not knowing what to do. My logical mind tells me one thing and my emotional mind says another. I don't like it. Why? Why do I have to go through this?

butterflies

I heard your goodbye again.

Take That - Holding Back The Tears

I kinda keep asking myself many questions
Where do I go from here
I seem to keep losing track of time
And how long it's been
Since I last had you near
Been a painful road to a door that's closed
Been a gamble that I knew I couldn't win
Been a lonely conversation to this photograph of you
In the mirror there's a sign I must give in
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
I used to enjoy spending time on my own here
Watching the jaded people past
Now here I am sharing their pain and their lonely tears
And walking a road of broken glass
It's never been easy
It's a constant fight to get through each day and night
It's a war between the present and the past
And the face that's in your mind every time you close your eyes
What's the reason?
What's the answer?
How long will this last?
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
Been a long long time
Since I heard your last goodbye
Still I hear it clearly every day and night
What's the point in love when you have to give it up
But still you need it and it's no where you can find
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
Holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
No I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times
That I depended on
You...
Please...Will You open the door again

back from the airport

Sent my parents to the airport tonight. On the way back, it started raining. The rain has now turned into snow.

I am alone by myself finally, after a long six months. I have been looking forward to being alone. Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. I want to be alone but at the same time I feel lonely... not so much because of no one being in the house but me, but because of the reemergence of loneliness that has been lying deep within me. Part of me is missing. Cloud 9 has disappeared from my dictionary. Could find no more. And I should just quit searching.

Friends will be coming Friday and Saturday and will stay for the weekend. There will be laughter in the house to fill the void. I am looking forward to that.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Wish you a great holiday season and a Happy New Year!

trip to Indy

Came to Indianapolis this afternoon. Will be staying here at my friends till Christmas day. Went to a party tonight and had a white elephant gift exchange. I got a $25 barnes and noble gift card for a pair of $2 glass! Not bad huh? We all got the better gifts. ;) Hotpot for tomorrows dinner. Kinda looking forward to it. Will be playing games tomorrow all day. Wii and stuff I guess.

I'm glad to be here. Nice to be with more ppl during the holiday.

Seizure Boy

I have a new nickname now, other than "lame retard." Last night at TGI Fridays, the waitress gave me the salt and pepper shakers and asked me to hold one in each hand. As everyone was clapping and "singing," I was supposed to dance along. And being a good sport, I did what I was told. The consequence was that now I am called the "seizure boy.''

december 19th

I guess I had a little too much to drink tonight. Three white russians and two singapore slings. I am happy but with a hint of sadness. The alcohol seemed to cure the headache and lightheadedness I had all day. It was fun to hang out with colleagues at work. We have a great group at work. I am really hopeful about the future of the company.

I hope the sadness will go away soon. I miss her. I do. A happy birthday from her made me miss her even more. I shouldn't be. I know. Time is the best medicine. This is probably the only time that I hope time passes by a little quicker.

Letting go

To let go
is really to avoid,
to avoid seeing, hearing,
and any sensory connection,
to eliminate,
to destroy,
and to assimilate the void and emptiness
into your own existence.

simpson the snowman

Snow started Saturday, oh actually Friday night I think. So Saturday morning, mom made a tiny little snowman on the window sill. Trust me it was a tiny snowman. It looks huge in the picture... I know... just an illusion. I took the picture inside through the window pane with my iphone. As I was emailing the pic to jasper, I realized snowman looked so much like simpson. And I swear my mom probably never watched the simpsons. Kinda funny.

So the snow never stopped falling until Sunday morning. A good 10 inches was accumulated overnight. There was a line of cars, me included, lining up at the driveway at the church this morning waiting to get in, as the snowplows were working hard clearing the parking lot. Only a handful of ppl showed up at church this morning because of the snow. We had the cantata and I had a little solo part in it. The songs in the cantata weren't all that easy. But in the end, everything went well and we pulled it together.

Went out with a friend tonight and had dinner at Isabella's in Geneva. I was pleasantly surprised by how nice the downtown area is at Geneva. Little shops... and many restaurants... we stopped by Fox Valley Winery.... Their Riesling was really good and I bought 2 bottles. I got another bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and Petite Sirah mix (quite good as well). The food at Isabella was ok, not as good as I had expected. Mediterranean food... something different. It was a nice and relaxing evening... even with driving in drifting snow.

a ripple

in the reflection of my mind
I see your sweet smile
inducing a ripple
not of the day
but of my heart
you have created a ripple
that never ceases to travel
that never seems to decrease in amplitude
a ripple that causes me
to ponder
to dream
and to wonder
till the day has gone by
even without my noticing it

~~~~~

ripple no more
but a quiet, peaceful heart

Enough :>

Thanks Lillian for forwarding the video on facebook.

A couple of FACTS

FACT Number One:

There are three times as many Mondays as there are Fridays.

As it says so on my coffee mug in front of me.

FACT Number Two:

Wednesdays are second to the worst day of the week.

As I would call Wednesday the limbo day where the end of the week is near yet so far away.

weekend and beyond

Weather has been pretty weird lately. Icy fog. I don't remember ever hearing such a weather term at all. I guess we'll get some tonight again.

This past Sunday I was supposed to go up to Wheaton for the Cantonese service at the Chinese church there. But it was raining all morning and with the temperature below freezing, I didn't want to take the risk. If it was just myself, I'd probably have gone... but since I was taking my parents along... Anyway, I felt bad that I still couldn't make it up there even after many invitations from my friend. Looks like I have to put it off till next year.

Had the Christmas dinner at my church Sunday evening and the barbershop chorus I am in was invited to sing at the end of the dinner. It was fun. My quartet did the "lu lu" song. "Can you feel the love tonight?" -- the song from the Lion King. We call it the "lu lu" song because the song starts off with "lu lu lu lu" instead of words. We are going to do one last show this Friday for the year. Tonight, we had the best rehearsal so far, I think. Oh... I got a small solo part in the Cantata that our church choir is going to do this weekend. Ha... I still don't know my part very well.

I got home tonight and Mom was a bit upset at Dad. So I was called upon as a judge to settle the matter. Their argument was over a tiny little thing that was not even worth mentioning here. Anyway, same old same old, my mom was complaining about my dad being stupid and not knowing what she was thinking and wanting. I think I was a pretty good judge for once. I managed to defuse the ticking bomb. It must be because Christmas is just around the corner... I am a lot more optimistic and hopeful in the past few days. I can see that my parents are happier, especially my mom. Again, I can see subtle changes in my mom which bring me great relief and joy as well.

Everything happened for a reason. A lot has been going on recently and my emotions have been like on a roller coaster ride. In the end, I think some good has come out of all these events and circumstances. And I am grateful for everything that happened even though it hasn't been an easy time. You know... I prayed all year and asked the same question over and over again. I was wondering why I wasn't given an answer. But in fact, I was ignoring the answer. I ignored my friends' advice. I ignored my parents' wishes. I ignored what was obvious to me in the beginning. Well... I tried. At least, I wouldn't be faulted for not giving my best shot.

I was told this morning at work that I have to work on a strategic plan for our environmental engineering "division" (which includes only my other boss and I). I have to identify the services we will provide, the client base, steps to take for the growth of the "division," the project timeline... I think I need to do the same for my life. A strategic plan.

The Golden Compass

Haven't watched a movie in a long long while. Went to see The Golden Compass this afternoon. I read the books already. The Golden Compass is the first book of a trilogy about this girl Lyra's adventure. Like the usual, the book is way better than the movie. But to be fair, it is almost impossible to condense a rich story into a 113 min-long movie. Dakota Blue Richards is perfect for the role of Lyra and so is Nichole Kidman for Mrs. Coulter. Towards the end of the movie, I can see the beauty and the maturity of Dakota Blue beyond her age. Go see the movie... but make sure you read the books too!

winter and snow

I do not dislike cold weather, except maybe a week or two during winter when the temperature dropped below -10 or -20 degrees. Otherwise cold temperature is usually bearable if wind is not a factor. In fact, I am starting to like running in the cold. It is refreshing. You even expanse a little more energy running in the cold because you lose more heat.

Snow is one thing that gives winter its charm. I am talking about light snow... enough that it covers everything. Nothing is more beautiful and serene than a landscape covered with a blanket of white snow. So romantic... So peaceful... So calm.

true love

百年修得共枕眠

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

So true. Thank you wittybb for sharing the article.

Sunday

It was surprisingly warm this morning and the rain stopped this morning, even the sun had its brief moment. The Jingle Bell run started at 9 am. Took me 28 minutes and 4 seconds to finish the 5-km run. My goal was to finish under 30 minutes. I am glad that I did a little better than that even and 9-min mile... I am happy.

Did a little shopping at Orland Park this afternoon. Got a long-sleeve undershirt and a sweater... Oh... and a leather jacket. The leather jacket was 50% off and plus another 15%... so it only cost $70 or so. It's made out of pig leather... hmm.... environmentally friendly? but it looks nice.

Also went to Omaha Steaks coz I got the Discovercard cashback $30 certificate. So I bought the filet mignon. Way overpriced. But I got the store coupon... plus the certificate... only $20 for 4 6-oz pieces. Not too bad I guess. So tonight I had the filet mignon + scallop (huge ones got from costco) + broccoli + red wine (Charles Shaw). A very good meal indeed.

I am feeling better today. There are moments that I still think too much... and get depressed. But I am better now.

night

gotta sleep early and wake up early tomorrow morning for the 5K run. hope I can finish it. and hope that it won't be raining during the race.