Weekend

Our After-Christmas Gathering started yesterday. Friends from the college years come and stay at my place for the weekend. We had lunch in Chinatown yesterday and also got food for hot pot there. The hotpot last night was nice.... we got lots of vegetables, tofu... seafood... and mushrooms and fishball ... We were all so full at the end and didn't even have dessert (ice-cream and/or "soup ball"). This morning I made congee with the leftover rice and food from hotpot. It was pretty good. Also made a guacamole dip which turned out pretty good as well. We will go have the seafood buffet tonight at Schaumburg.

~~~~~

On another note, I am utterly confused and not knowing what to do. My logical mind tells me one thing and my emotional mind says another. I don't like it. Why? Why do I have to go through this?

butterflies

I heard your goodbye again.

Take That - Holding Back The Tears

I kinda keep asking myself many questions
Where do I go from here
I seem to keep losing track of time
And how long it's been
Since I last had you near
Been a painful road to a door that's closed
Been a gamble that I knew I couldn't win
Been a lonely conversation to this photograph of you
In the mirror there's a sign I must give in
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
I used to enjoy spending time on my own here
Watching the jaded people past
Now here I am sharing their pain and their lonely tears
And walking a road of broken glass
It's never been easy
It's a constant fight to get through each day and night
It's a war between the present and the past
And the face that's in your mind every time you close your eyes
What's the reason?
What's the answer?
How long will this last?
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
Been a long long time
Since I heard your last goodbye
Still I hear it clearly every day and night
What's the point in love when you have to give it up
But still you need it and it's no where you can find
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
So I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times that I depended on you
Holding back the tears anymore
Trying to escape the heartache
Trying to escape emotion
No I'm not holding back the tears anymore
Yesterday's my memory
Reminding me of all the times
That I depended on
You...
Please...Will You open the door again

back from the airport

Sent my parents to the airport tonight. On the way back, it started raining. The rain has now turned into snow.

I am alone by myself finally, after a long six months. I have been looking forward to being alone. Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. I want to be alone but at the same time I feel lonely... not so much because of no one being in the house but me, but because of the reemergence of loneliness that has been lying deep within me. Part of me is missing. Cloud 9 has disappeared from my dictionary. Could find no more. And I should just quit searching.

Friends will be coming Friday and Saturday and will stay for the weekend. There will be laughter in the house to fill the void. I am looking forward to that.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! Wish you a great holiday season and a Happy New Year!

trip to Indy

Came to Indianapolis this afternoon. Will be staying here at my friends till Christmas day. Went to a party tonight and had a white elephant gift exchange. I got a $25 barnes and noble gift card for a pair of $2 glass! Not bad huh? We all got the better gifts. ;) Hotpot for tomorrows dinner. Kinda looking forward to it. Will be playing games tomorrow all day. Wii and stuff I guess.

I'm glad to be here. Nice to be with more ppl during the holiday.

Seizure Boy

I have a new nickname now, other than "lame retard." Last night at TGI Fridays, the waitress gave me the salt and pepper shakers and asked me to hold one in each hand. As everyone was clapping and "singing," I was supposed to dance along. And being a good sport, I did what I was told. The consequence was that now I am called the "seizure boy.''

december 19th

I guess I had a little too much to drink tonight. Three white russians and two singapore slings. I am happy but with a hint of sadness. The alcohol seemed to cure the headache and lightheadedness I had all day. It was fun to hang out with colleagues at work. We have a great group at work. I am really hopeful about the future of the company.

I hope the sadness will go away soon. I miss her. I do. A happy birthday from her made me miss her even more. I shouldn't be. I know. Time is the best medicine. This is probably the only time that I hope time passes by a little quicker.

Letting go

To let go
is really to avoid,
to avoid seeing, hearing,
and any sensory connection,
to eliminate,
to destroy,
and to assimilate the void and emptiness
into your own existence.

simpson the snowman

Snow started Saturday, oh actually Friday night I think. So Saturday morning, mom made a tiny little snowman on the window sill. Trust me it was a tiny snowman. It looks huge in the picture... I know... just an illusion. I took the picture inside through the window pane with my iphone. As I was emailing the pic to jasper, I realized snowman looked so much like simpson. And I swear my mom probably never watched the simpsons. Kinda funny.

So the snow never stopped falling until Sunday morning. A good 10 inches was accumulated overnight. There was a line of cars, me included, lining up at the driveway at the church this morning waiting to get in, as the snowplows were working hard clearing the parking lot. Only a handful of ppl showed up at church this morning because of the snow. We had the cantata and I had a little solo part in it. The songs in the cantata weren't all that easy. But in the end, everything went well and we pulled it together.

Went out with a friend tonight and had dinner at Isabella's in Geneva. I was pleasantly surprised by how nice the downtown area is at Geneva. Little shops... and many restaurants... we stopped by Fox Valley Winery.... Their Riesling was really good and I bought 2 bottles. I got another bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and Petite Sirah mix (quite good as well). The food at Isabella was ok, not as good as I had expected. Mediterranean food... something different. It was a nice and relaxing evening... even with driving in drifting snow.

a ripple

in the reflection of my mind
I see your sweet smile
inducing a ripple
not of the day
but of my heart
you have created a ripple
that never ceases to travel
that never seems to decrease in amplitude
a ripple that causes me
to ponder
to dream
and to wonder
till the day has gone by
even without my noticing it

~~~~~

ripple no more
but a quiet, peaceful heart

Enough :>

Thanks Lillian for forwarding the video on facebook.

A couple of FACTS

FACT Number One:

There are three times as many Mondays as there are Fridays.

As it says so on my coffee mug in front of me.

FACT Number Two:

Wednesdays are second to the worst day of the week.

As I would call Wednesday the limbo day where the end of the week is near yet so far away.

weekend and beyond

Weather has been pretty weird lately. Icy fog. I don't remember ever hearing such a weather term at all. I guess we'll get some tonight again.

This past Sunday I was supposed to go up to Wheaton for the Cantonese service at the Chinese church there. But it was raining all morning and with the temperature below freezing, I didn't want to take the risk. If it was just myself, I'd probably have gone... but since I was taking my parents along... Anyway, I felt bad that I still couldn't make it up there even after many invitations from my friend. Looks like I have to put it off till next year.

Had the Christmas dinner at my church Sunday evening and the barbershop chorus I am in was invited to sing at the end of the dinner. It was fun. My quartet did the "lu lu" song. "Can you feel the love tonight?" -- the song from the Lion King. We call it the "lu lu" song because the song starts off with "lu lu lu lu" instead of words. We are going to do one last show this Friday for the year. Tonight, we had the best rehearsal so far, I think. Oh... I got a small solo part in the Cantata that our church choir is going to do this weekend. Ha... I still don't know my part very well.

I got home tonight and Mom was a bit upset at Dad. So I was called upon as a judge to settle the matter. Their argument was over a tiny little thing that was not even worth mentioning here. Anyway, same old same old, my mom was complaining about my dad being stupid and not knowing what she was thinking and wanting. I think I was a pretty good judge for once. I managed to defuse the ticking bomb. It must be because Christmas is just around the corner... I am a lot more optimistic and hopeful in the past few days. I can see that my parents are happier, especially my mom. Again, I can see subtle changes in my mom which bring me great relief and joy as well.

Everything happened for a reason. A lot has been going on recently and my emotions have been like on a roller coaster ride. In the end, I think some good has come out of all these events and circumstances. And I am grateful for everything that happened even though it hasn't been an easy time. You know... I prayed all year and asked the same question over and over again. I was wondering why I wasn't given an answer. But in fact, I was ignoring the answer. I ignored my friends' advice. I ignored my parents' wishes. I ignored what was obvious to me in the beginning. Well... I tried. At least, I wouldn't be faulted for not giving my best shot.

I was told this morning at work that I have to work on a strategic plan for our environmental engineering "division" (which includes only my other boss and I). I have to identify the services we will provide, the client base, steps to take for the growth of the "division," the project timeline... I think I need to do the same for my life. A strategic plan.

The Golden Compass

Haven't watched a movie in a long long while. Went to see The Golden Compass this afternoon. I read the books already. The Golden Compass is the first book of a trilogy about this girl Lyra's adventure. Like the usual, the book is way better than the movie. But to be fair, it is almost impossible to condense a rich story into a 113 min-long movie. Dakota Blue Richards is perfect for the role of Lyra and so is Nichole Kidman for Mrs. Coulter. Towards the end of the movie, I can see the beauty and the maturity of Dakota Blue beyond her age. Go see the movie... but make sure you read the books too!

winter and snow

I do not dislike cold weather, except maybe a week or two during winter when the temperature dropped below -10 or -20 degrees. Otherwise cold temperature is usually bearable if wind is not a factor. In fact, I am starting to like running in the cold. It is refreshing. You even expanse a little more energy running in the cold because you lose more heat.

Snow is one thing that gives winter its charm. I am talking about light snow... enough that it covers everything. Nothing is more beautiful and serene than a landscape covered with a blanket of white snow. So romantic... So peaceful... So calm.

true love

百年修得共枕眠

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

So true. Thank you wittybb for sharing the article.

Sunday

It was surprisingly warm this morning and the rain stopped this morning, even the sun had its brief moment. The Jingle Bell run started at 9 am. Took me 28 minutes and 4 seconds to finish the 5-km run. My goal was to finish under 30 minutes. I am glad that I did a little better than that even and 9-min mile... I am happy.

Did a little shopping at Orland Park this afternoon. Got a long-sleeve undershirt and a sweater... Oh... and a leather jacket. The leather jacket was 50% off and plus another 15%... so it only cost $70 or so. It's made out of pig leather... hmm.... environmentally friendly? but it looks nice.

Also went to Omaha Steaks coz I got the Discovercard cashback $30 certificate. So I bought the filet mignon. Way overpriced. But I got the store coupon... plus the certificate... only $20 for 4 6-oz pieces. Not too bad I guess. So tonight I had the filet mignon + scallop (huge ones got from costco) + broccoli + red wine (Charles Shaw). A very good meal indeed.

I am feeling better today. There are moments that I still think too much... and get depressed. But I am better now.

night

gotta sleep early and wake up early tomorrow morning for the 5K run. hope I can finish it. and hope that it won't be raining during the race.

strong wind

tonight, as the wind is blowing hard, the remaining leaves that were hanging on finally succumb to the crushing force of winter. so do I... falling into the deepest of the abyss.

winter and spring

Winter is here, but withered leaves still hang onto the tree limbs. Even the first snow has fallen. Why? Why do you linger? Time does not stop and pity your holding on. A few more frosty nights and a strong breeze... your strength will be depleted and your grip loosens. Time, it is just a matter of time before the last leaf is fallen. And winter will declare its final victory.

I wish winter will be over soon, though it has just begun.

Perhaps, hope lies in the coming of Spring. New leaves will grow once again and flowers will bloom once again. But memory from the past year has not lost. It has permanently marked it presence in the form of tree rings. Tree rings are hidden but forever recording the passage of time.

blood drive

Donated my first pint of blood today at church. The Red Cross came for a blood drive. I helped with unloading and loading. Parents helped escorting donors (on wheelchair if needed) after they were done giving blood.

I felt ok throughout the whole thing. But my bleed time was barely satisfactory... just a few seconds shy of 15 mins and 2 seconds which is the cut-off. I guess the nurse loosened the arm band just a tad too much. Otherwise, it would have been quicker. I was a little tired afterwards. But felt great otherwise.

I think everyone should give blood if they can. Only takes a little time. But many can be saved.

thanksgiving dinner

Had a wonderful thanksgiving dinner at the Barrone's. They were so nice to have us over. The food was great. We played a bit of poker afterwards. That was fun. Will post some pictures soon.

Dad tried his best to talk to Choppy (grandpa). Though he said later that he only picked up a few words and was guessing what Choppy was saying most of the time.

Mom said that it was too bad that she couldn't speak English. Otherwise she could have communicate better and more easily with ppl. She even said that if she were able to speak then she could live with dad near me in a separate house, not necessarily in the same house under the same roof. I can see that mom is trying very hard to change herself... I appreciate what she had said.

Thank you

I am thankful to you all, my friends, for your kind words and encouragements.
I am thankful to my cloud 9 who made my year memorable and still be a friend at the end.
I am thankful to my boss for his friendship and for his giving me a raise... more motivation to work hard.
I am thankful to my parents for their unfailing love.
I am thankful to my sister who is always my little sister.

God, thank You! Thank you for making everything possible.

Couple of songs

Thank you CPMF14 for the following songs.

KISS ME GOODBYE (Watch MV Here)

曲︰LEO REED／BARRY MASON
詞︰潘源良
編︰劉以達

像流星　閃出愛情　一刻也長記於心
但浮生　飄忽似雲　分開了難再走近

＊SO KISS ME GOODBYE　有緣沒有份
都珍貴有過一刻跟你共行
只想一生　都記往你的吻
他鄉裡　作我心窩裡孤燈

＃KISS ME GOODBYE　愛是從來沒缺陷
不可以共對一生　心也是真
留往這刻　盡情來熱吻　忘記淚痕
KISS ME GOODBYE

任時光　沖擊愛情　洗出我和你的心
願明天　一身客塵　彼此也能再走近

重唱　＊,＃


世界會變得很美 (Watch MV Here)

曲︰HIDEKI ANDOH
詞︰向雪懷
編︰CARL WONG

期待中我　煩悶枯橾
流浪街中的好一段日子
從未相信命運就是天意
只知道自我世界有苦惱

＊前面的世界誰人又知道
平坦的不一定是好
有些失意並未公報
想將我悶與痛快向你傾訴

＃聽說外面浮華如樂土
走出這世界會有千個夢兒
痛恨從前為何無從目睹
聽說這世界再次變得很美

＋忘記了今天失戀寄望在明天
心中更自傲　憑我的感覺找到
朋友都踏著命運腳步抗拒風雨
找到愛慕　在每一天我要不斷進步
你會某天叫好

重唱　＊,＃,＋,＋

The missing piece

Just as I thought I'd found my missing piece, the missing piece just slipped out of my hand. But no... I probably never had it in the first place. It is sad. But it is probably true. Everything seemed like a dream to me. Or I am still in this dream, never want to be awakened.

Wake up! You moron! Wake up and face the reality. As you have said long ago...Reality is cruel sometimes... but at least if you face it now, some good will eventually come in the long run.

I am not bitter. I am just sad. Extremely sad. For what I had treasured so preciously is now gone, forever. Time is my biggest ally but also my biggest enemy.

weekend b4 thanksgiving

Laziness has caught up with me at work. So time to make up for it. I worked for several hours this afternoon and will go back to the office and work some more tonight. Hope I can get all the stuff done b4 thanksgiving.

I think I have found the missing piece. The feeling that I had could not have been mistaken. I truly hope that I am correct. I am cautiously optimistic.

weekend

weekend was great. good friends from indy paid us a visit. we went dim sum at chinatown yesterday for lunch. then headed to macy's on state street and was going to check out the christmas window display. but we walked inside macy's from the 8th floor down to the first and forgot to walk outside and around the building to see the window display. kinda stupid. we got a LOT of food from chinatown and the korean grocery store for hotpot last night (and tonight we were still eating leftover hotpot ... reprise... i guess). went to church this morning... potluck for lunch at church. mom made curry chicken and the molten-core chocolate cupcakes. curry chicken was gone in a hurry and i couldn't even get a second. ppl were raving about the chocolate cupcakes as well. friends left around 5. a great weekend. parents had fun. and me too. but i missed my cloud 9. wish she was here. it would then have been even a more perfect weekend.

chatting with parents tonight. asked my dad whether he had a gf b4 meeting my mom. he said he was interested in a classmate when he went to school. but since his best friend also expressed interest in her and he just wished his friend best luck. and he said that his best friend eventually married the girl. i was also reminded that dad did not attend to primary school. he was too poor to go to school. later on when he owned a tailor shop with my then soon-to-be uncle, he could finally go to a vocational school. for that he went for 3 years or so. i asked him how he learned to read and write. he read comics, books and newspapers and just picked up the words. my dad's story reminds me how privilege a life i had in my childhood and also i have now.

my mom recounted stories of me and my sister's. i didn't walk till i was one and a half and i didn't speak a complete sentence till i was two and a half. mom asked the doctor if i was dumb. and the doc said i was as smart as james bond (my chinese name "pong"). mom said i was good at recognizing ppl and places, but would only say "ee-ee ar-ar" and a few single words before i was two years old. on the contrary, my sister could walk in ten months and could speak soon after. when i went to kindergarten, i would read my books to my sister and she could recite the entire book perfectly afterward. i played with my toys with intense interest and concentration, unlike my sister who only played if i played with her. my sister was addicted to her thumb. she would suck her thumb while grabbing onto her precious little towel. she had a hard time quitting her thumb-sucking habitat... in my memory... i still recall my sister doing her thumb even she was in primary school. i thought it was cute though at the time and didn't understand why mom always force her to quite. mom would put "maan kum" oil on her thumb but it wouldn't work for long. i don't remember when my sister finally kick that habit for good. my mom commented that her thumb was like opium to her. i couldn't help laughing. mom said i had a hard time weaning from my baby bottle no until my sister was born and i would have been three years old then. but my sister had no difficulties at all. in fact, my mom asked my sister to quit using the bottle and she picked up the bottle and dropped it in the trash basket. that was sooo funny but incredible.

stories that i have heard more a dozen times from my parents already, but each time they tell them, i learn a little more, feel a little more, and they imprint in my head a little more.

destiny

Destiny is not predetermined, I believe. God created us; He defined us... All the secrets lie in the DNA of our cells. But our DNA is only part of the story. Just as what we eat and what we are exposed to can turn on and off our genes. We have free will and we make choices in life that affect our destiny. God has instructed us to how to live our life but he did not preset our destiny. The path is set by every decision that we make in life.

JibJab

Week in Review

Friday's exam was a test of endurance as much as technical knowledge. I sat through the 8-hour exam. Believe me... my butt was never detached from the chair in each of the 4-hour sessions. Didn't even go the bathroom for 4 hours at a time. My back hurt badly at the end of the day. I think I did ok. At least I finished all the problems. We'll see in ... 3 months?

This week had been a heck of a week. Exam and all. I am happy and content by the end of the week. So a good thing.

Went to The Morton Arboretum to see the foliage. Very nice park. I will go back definitely... probably in winter and spring.

The Morton Arboretum

Chocolate Cupcakes

Chocolate Cupcakes

mom and chocolate cupcake

Finally tonight, I was able to dispute the myth or blame that my mom had been spreading since who knows when. The blame goes like this:

The reason that my mom has such a loud voice, according to her, was that she had to yell at me when I was little or she has been yelling at me since I was little... and as a result, her voice was made louder because of all the yelling and the root cause was that I was naughty and disobedient.

Hmmm... I don't know why I had been taking her blame for years without properly refuting her erroneous claim. And I don't know why it took me so long to figure out a way to refute her claim. But finally, I thought of something to say tonight at dinner when my mom made that statement again.

I said to my mom, "The reason your voice was getting louder and louder was not because of me, but because you've been losing your hearing!" Hahaha... finally.

Well... I wouldn't be able to say that years before because my mom, at that time, had not come to term with the fact that her hearing was bad and it was never going to get better. For years, she refused to go see the doctor and have her hearing checked. But a few year ago, she decided on her own to see the doc and got a hearing aid. Although the hearing aid doesn't help a whole lot. But she finally was able to accept that fact that she was probably born with weak hearing and her hearing ability got worse as she ages.

I have seen quite a few changes in Mom in recent years. She has gotten happier despite occasional emotional breakdown. But she's been trying very hard to deal with her emotion and trying very hard to accept the reality of things that sometimes she has difficulty taking in. And she is a good mom, very good mom regardless of how she would sometimes drive me nuts.

And tonight, she made this chocolate cupcake. Amazing... You know... I don't usually like chocolate cake that much. But this one... it's got melted chocolate inside with crusty top. Never had a cupcake this good. Oh... I asked how she put the melted chocolate inside... she said it just baked out like that. Unbelievable.

cool and windy

I finally got a chance to do some exercise this evening. I went running for a couple of miles. The weather was cool and windy, so I didn't break much sweat. It's getting dark earlier now. By the time I got back, it was quite dark and the cloud cover didn't help either.

Didn't accomplish much at work this week. Couldn't really focus... partly because of the upcoming exam and partly because of the lack of motivation. And there is this uncertain and at a loss kinda feeling all week. Well, hope everything will be better by the end of the month. I will be a happier man once the clouds are dispersed and sunshine is returned for better or worse.

Sunrise

I guess I do like sunrise too. Just I don't get up as early as I used to and just not able to appreciate the beauty of it. Sunrise does give you hope.

~~~~

Time flies,
or does it?
Not at this moment,
I believe.
The second ticks by
but slowly and slowly it goes.
Until time stops.
Everything stands still.

Wait, no...
It is not time that stops.
It is me, who is stuck
in the quicksand.
As I struggle,
I sink quickly.
I am wishing that time would stop
for a moment.

Yet, no...
I don't want to be stuck
forever.
What can I do
to escape the inescapable?
Or should I just be still,
very still,
waiting for the judgment of time?

A little prayer

My goddaughter is doing well so far and so are her parents. Thank you Lord for watching over them. May you continue to bless them and provide for them each step of the way.

~~~~

Just got a picture of Agnes. She is so cute! I am very proud to be her godfather.

Sunset

As I was driving home this evening (from a singout), the golden sun was setting behind the western sky. From blue to yellow to gold, the colors were further enhanced by the clouds that looked like cotton balls scattered all over the edge of the sky. By the way the sun has been hiding for almost two days.

I wonder why it is always the sunset that is the most beautiful. Though it signifies the end of the day, it is the prettiest moment of the entire day, even more so than the sunrise. No wonder we always want or hope for a good ending, an ending that is perhaps as pretty, if not prettier, than the evening sunset. I don't want an end, but if the end does come, I wish it would be a pleasant one, one that I will forever treasure and remember.

static electricity

Dad said he was almost electrocuted when he tried to turn on the lights just now. He said it was fortunate that he was wearing plastic slippers.

Turned out he was shocked by static coz he was wearing plastic slippers.

特首講文革

This is an absolutely horrid comment from our 特首 on democracy. Cultural revolution is an extreme example of democracy??? Unbelievable...

特首講文革原文

god-daugther

Ces and Robin gave birth to little Agnes last night. And I have the honor to be Agnes' god-father. I am overjoyed. Ces' pregnancy has been a bit of a bumpy road. But God is good and He certainly has blessed them every step of the way. Thank you Lord.

tired

one feels the loneliest when he is tired and exhausted.

Time for a post

Well... it's been a while since last post. Sorry for the rather long absence. Just busy studying... and perhaps playing too much with facebook. So... my pe exam will be in less than 3 weeks. I'll study my butt off. Wish me luck.

squirrels

I was out running this morning and the squirrels were everywhere. They were usually in pairs too. One chasing another. As acorns drop, the squirrels are preparing for winter by collecting them and hiding them. I always marvel at their ability to remember where they hide their acorns.

草蜢 失樂園

Haven't been listening to this song (草蜢 失樂園) a lot lately.

To give and forgive

We lie. It is a human nature to lie. We lie to cover up things. We lie more to cover up lies. Being in a relationship is more than being physically together, but also the union of the mind and soul. Lies and dishonesty stand between this union, as if they are knives, ready to rip this union apart and shed it to pieces. A relationship is fragile--it doesn't take much to ruin it. All it takes is a small lie.

To rebuild a relationship takes probably ten times more effort than to ruin it.

The lie, however, is not the root of the problem. Most of the time, a lie is used to disguise one's intention and motive. The ill intention or motive is the real problem. And if that underlying problem is not resolved, the relationship will go sour eventually. In trying to resolve the problem, there is no equality--one side has to take the initiative and do more than the other. In fact, the one who's being lied to is often the one who has do more and also take the initiative, because that means forgiveness from the side who is hurt and relationship can only be rebuilt based on this forgiveness.

All things happen for a reason. A trial can only make a relationship grow and get stronger if both sides are willing to give and forgive.

trust

Trust is paramount in any relationship, especially so in a love relationship.

When I was once young and reckless (ok, I am not so young anymore but maybe still reckless sometimes), I had put this paramount trust in jeopardy a few times, and I learned my lessons.

All it takes is a little misstep. No matter how small that misstep is, once the boundary is crossed, the trust between two individuals is breached.

Have a forgiving heart. Give the one next you a chance to make it right.

Shark Fin Gwa Update

Well the "gwa" plant's flower finally opened up yesterday morning. Big showy flower. And I looked up on the internet and learned that this plant belongs to the gourd family (Cucurbitacea) under the same family with cucumber and squash. They have male and female flowers. So... the flower in the picture above is female. Only the female blossom can turn into fruit. Ha... one thing odd is that none of the male flowers were in bloom yet. Anyway... the flower only opened up for one morning. In the afternoon it was closed off. This morning it's still closed. I guess the flower only last for one day? oh well.

cuckoo clock

Spent all day up in Frankfort, IL. There's this fall festival... with over 300 arts and craft booths. Passed by this German cuckoo clock booth. Mom was really excited. So we ended up getting this small "1-day" cuckoo clock for $200. Hand-crafted, all mechanical. Got 2 quarrels on two sides of the clock and a peacock up top. Then of course the cuckoo, which comes out every half hour. I know it is expensive. But as jasper said the following...

cuckoo clock, hand crafted, made in Germany - $200
for something mom wants - priceless

Indeed, priceless. Ha.. the cuckoo just did "cuckoo" 9 times. Nine o'clock!

After the festival (and parade), we went for a party hosted by the other barbershop chapter. Lots of food and beer. We had this quartet contest, and I was in 3 quartets. I (with two of the quartets) ended up winning the both first and second place! There were a total of 13 or 14 quartets. Got a can of peanuts for the prize. Nice to be out in the sun all day. The weather was just absolutely beautiful!

shark fin gwa

Mom has been growing this "shark fin gwa" in a bucket outside my apartment. Even with only 4-5 inch of soil, the plant has been growing pretty well and even have flower buds all over. My mom has been wishing the flowers to bloom and eventually have "gwa" to eat. But the flower buds just get bigger and bigger and haven't opened up yet. A couple of flower buds, instead of opening up, at the base of it... have started to swell up, looking like a "gwa." But I kept telling my mom that it is not possible to have "gwa" without the flower in bloom first. And my mom kept saying, it has skipped flowering and gone right to the "gwa-ing" stage. So this morning, I used an analogy to explain that a woman won't get pregnant without having sex, which is why you don't have gwa without the flower. Then she replied, "of course you can! Mary was like that!" I was like... arrrgh...

Anyway, my allergy has been pretty bad this week. I think it's a combination of cold and allergy.

I really need to study for the PE exam which will be on Oct 26. I'll be taking a review class up in Schaumburg starting Sept 10. There are a lot of topics I don't know and not familiar with, like structural and transportation. I am a little worried now. I don't have all the reference books I need yet... you know, those codes and stuff. Anyway, I'll try my best and see what happen.

On poverty

Come across this article on Washington Post.
On Poverty, Maybe We're All Wrong

Interesting idea. I'll post some graphs later to look at this idea further.

weekend

Took Friday afternoon off to go get a set of new tires for my subaru forester. Cost me an arm and a leg. But now the car runs as smoothly as ever. And no more squeaks turning tight corners. These new tires have 60k tread warranty. Nice...

A walk along the lake shore was nice... Saturday night turns out to be perfect, weather-wise. Much cooler, sharp contrast with the steamy and raining days for the past 2 weeks. The sad thing is... a night like that won't happen again for at least a month, or maybe more...

experience with words

Have you ever had the experience that when you write down a word, all of a sudden that word seems so foreign to you and you are not sure you have spelled it correctly? Even after you've looked up the word in the dictionary, you still puzzle with the spelling. Happened to me tonight with the word "thorough." Weird, isn't it. I do the same thing with Chinese words too. Strange.

Start of the week

Kinda under the weather for the past couple days. Got a cold I think. Just not wanting to go to work. Maybe I am more work sick than sick sick. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

My boss just refused to take Pedro home. Well... I guess he doesn't want to take care of it, though his daughter has requested him to bring Pedro home. Oh well... I guess I better start raising some crickets too...

I got three pairs of shoes from Kohl's Sunday. All on clearance. Only for $50 total. Not bad huh! Should have gotten my running shoes from there too.

Egg tart

Mom made "snow dove cake" egg tarts. I have never heard of such a thing. Must be a first! But as usual they taste really good.

tunnel

Come to think about it, we are in a dark tunnel most of the time. Fortunately we have friends and family who hold our hands and guide us, or sometimes a flashlight or two may be available so that we don't get lost. It'll be nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But even we don't see it now, it doesn't mean that it's not there. We just have to keep walking. Be patient and trust your friends and family who've been there. And always have faith.

Chicago Botanic Garden

Uploaded pictures I took at Chicago Botanic Garden couple weekends ago. Enjoy.

Chicago Botanic Garden

trout

Mom made steamed rainbow trout tonight. She asked why I didn't go for the eyes. I asked why. Then she said when I was little, I would always poke at the fish eye. She would ask me why and I would say, "To eat lor! It's so good!" Then I would put the eye in my mouth and spit out the eyeball. I really don't recall that I like fish eye.

young chicken

Mom: This chicken doesn't expire till september!
Dad: It's a young chicken (as read from the label).
Mom: ?!?!?!
Mom: So an old chicken will expire sooner then?!
Dad: ......

Mom: Go chop up the chicken meat.
Dad: (chopping)
Dad: Done!
Mom: What?! I asked you to chop not mesh the chicken!
Dad: I didn't mesh it. Just that it is a young chicken.
Mom: ......

Just stuff

Went to Mokena this morning and played 18 holes of frisbee golf. This was the first time I ever really played a real course this year. I was never really good at frisbee golf. But I just love seeing the trajectory of the disc as it flies through the air. It is always a beauty when you throw it just right. I was surprised how much progress my dad has made from a year ago, even my mom was throwing pretty well (at least she can keep the disc level and get about 60 to 70 feet in distance).

Then we headed to Costco in Orland Park to get grocery and stuff. We had lunch there. Ha... yup... $1.50 polish sausage + pop. My mom had a slice pizza which she thought it was pretty bad. Oh well the lunch was cheap, though.

Got back home b4 2:30 and I went to church to help out with blood pressure and blood sugar testings. I was in charge of doing the blood sugar. First time ever to use the machine and to draw blood from ppl. I did 6 people altogether. Will do that again tomorrow morning.

And I made dinner tonight.. well sort of. I cooked 2 steaks. My dad cooked the vegetables. Dad was complaining that the steak was too raw and he ruined it totally by "dinging" it in the microwave! What a shame to a good piece of steak. And he kept saying how good it was after it was nuked in the microwave.

On a side note, I still have Pedro the tree frog. My boss hasn't taken it home yet. He jokingly asked me that if I wanted to keep him as a pet in the office... hmmmmm

Pedro and Rib-Eye Roast

Pedro is doing great. I cleaned his tank over the weekend, replaced the bedding and put in some moss and got him a dozen more crickets. He's a big eater. Last weekend I got him a dozen and he finished them all in less than 5 days. I took some pictures but he was always hiding. I'll try to poke him out of the moss tomorrow morning and get a nice picture of him. Boss comes back tomorrow.

I made rib-eye roast tonight. A little too well done for my taste but my dad loved it. He doesn't like raw meat. Next time I'll cook it to just 130­F instead of 140F. I brushed on some Dijon mustard... and sprinkled on some pepper, rosemary, and thyme... and salt and garlic powder of course... Only took about 1.5 hours. I also made a red wine sauce for it. Turned out pretty nice.

Pedro

iPhone

I got an iPhone today. Finally I buckled under peer pressure... well actually more of my own desire and couldn't resist the temptation to own a phone that I had been longing for for so long. Anyway...

iPhone is cool. The ONE concern I had was with the reported low call volume. BUT, I don't think that's the case. Well.. it isn't very loud even I turn the volume all the way up. But I don't have any trouble hearing at all. The headset that comes with phone works well too. The speaker is very limited however and is not very loud. So the speaker phone function is kinda useless if the background noise is loud.

Otherwise... everything works as advertised. Typing is actually not too bad. The software does a very good job of correcting errors. The browser works well... except for some websites. Navigation and interface are just short of amazing.

I got the phone working in less in 5 minutes. Got my gmail set up in less than 1/2 min. I am very happy with the phone so far.

Dad's apology

My parents hadn't been speaking to each other for 4 days. Finally my dad redeemed himself today with a letter to mom. At the end of that letter... his sign-off. Hahahaha!!!!!!!

Do we know?

Do we truly know what we want?
I doubt that is ever true.
Yes, maybe, for an instance,
we know what we want for a moment
and we get what we want;
but the next moment,
we want something else or
what we have wanted is not enough any more
and we want something greater and better.

Pedro the frog

I have a frog in my office now. My boss is gone for vacation... fishing in Canada with his entire family and relatives. And I have to take care of his daughter's tree frog--Pedro. I got a dozen of crickets from Petco yesterday and dumped all of them in the little aquarium where Pedro lives. Pedro only comes out in the evening and at night. During the day he just hides under the moss. I'll take some pictures of him later. He'll be with me till next Monday.

On relationships (2)

Continuing from a previous post...

Then in the secondary school, which I thought I could start over, making new friends... But I seemed to run into similar problems. I found that I didn't fit into any of the "groups" in school. One of the problems was that I didn't get to hang out with them. My family was poor -- I didn't have the means to go out with them. I had a couple of really good guy friends though whom I regret that I didn't really keep in touch with them. But if I look for them now, we'll be still be good friends. Anyway, other than those 2 friends... the rest of the classmates didn't really like me all that much. But as I remember right, it was ok. Life was good, most of the time. Then after the HKCEE exam, I left Hong Kong for a student exchange program. And I came to the States.

To be continued...

Running

I never liked running. I remembered back in the college days... ooh.. the number of times I did any serious running can be counted with one hand. But I have been running pretty regularly in recent weeks. Hurt my foot when I started about a month ago coz I didn't have proper shoes. Now that I bought a pair of Nike... I run about every other days for about 2.5 miles each time. I run about very slow... a little more than 10 min/mile. I think I have gotten better now. My breathing is better now, except my legs still get tired towards the end. My goal is run a half marathon, oh, maybe next year... just maybe.

I start to like running... coz it gives me some quiet time that I can think and meditate. I realize that you don't have to sit still to meditate, you can run while you meditate... hah... I never sit still and therefore could never really do any meditation. But I found that running gets you into this trance state that you can actually forget that your legs are hurting and your lungs are running of the air. Anyway running really helps me to clear my thoughts and get me focus on my priorities again.

Blueberry Picking

Took a day off yesterday and took my parents blueberry picking. We got 7+ lbs of blueberries. I have been munching on them since yesterday at the field. Mom made blueberry muffins. Yum!

Blueberry Picking 2007

On relationship with others

I was never a person who was well like by others. Even when I was in primary school, I knew some of the classmates really didn't like me. Part of it was probably because I always did well in exams... and ppl thought that I was a smart-ass... always wanted to show off. I was probably a smart-ass then, and probably still is. But I never intended to be one and I certainly don't want to be one. The consolation was that in primary 6, a group of girls accepted me into their circle. I know... sounds weird... for a guy to be with a group of girls... yeah I was attracted to one of them but that was another story... nothing really happened. The friendship with those girls were genuine, however. They told me that they thought I was arrogant, but then once they got to know me... they told me that I was actually quite nice to them. Yup... that was my consolation of being rejected by some of my peers at that time. And I knew I was arrogant at times... and I tried really hard to be humble and meek and be really nice to ppl I know. Whether it worked or not I wouldn't know.

To be continued...

Parents

The weather is so nice today. Dry and breezy. This is the kind of summer weather I like. Too bad that I had to stay in the office all day.

There are advantages to my parents being here. Dinner's always ready when I am hungry. My dad is doing most of the cleaning. Haha.. yeah he does. And it's quite entertaining sometimes listening to mom yapping at dad, "counting" his wrongdoings. My dad is getting really forgetful these days---leaving keys stuck on the door knob, forgetting dishes in the microwave. And he is too lazy to remember things too.. that's part of the problem. Funny and sometimes annoying and also sad to see that my dad is developing some old man's habits---slurping soup, making unnecessary noises while eating and even while sitting idle, being really stubborn and not listening to others.... Oh well... it is more sad to see my parents grow older. I have to take good care of them, making their lives as joyful and carefree as possible. So far, I don't think I am going too good a job.

green monochrome

On the way home, I saw fireworks all over the place. But it couldn't beat the display of the fireflies. They dotted the fields with dancing green dots---nature's monochrome fireworks---reminding me of those old greenish monochrome computer monitors. hahaha

July 4

I will pick up my parents from the airport this evening. Tonight my 6-month prison term begins. Oh... ha... just kidding. I love my parents. I guess it is a good thing for them... and for me as well that they are here half of the year. Things are a little different this year. We'll see how it goes.

Serious Addiction

I think I am addicted, addicted to my cloud 9. Hahaha.

Rainbow

 

A morning sprinkle... emerges a rainbow. I have never seen a rainbow so low near the horizon.

To my dear friend

You know... we do make an amazing number of decisions in our surprising short life. Granted, some of the decisions we have made or will be making are definitely right or definitely wrong. However, a majority of the decisions is in this gray area where there is no absolute right and wrong. Maybe time will tell. But I do believe that we can always learn something from the decisions that we've made. It is this learning experience that helps shape our character, our value, and our future. Without this experience, we might as well be living in a green house where we'd be sheltered from all the elements. We grow as we learn as we experience. The most important thing is to move forward in life, taking one step at a time. Only look back when you need to learn from your previous mistakes and to draw motivation, but never dwell in the past. What happened in the past, stay in the past.

We create our own cloud nine!

Milk Tea

All of a sudden, I want to drink Milk Tea, the Hong Kong kind, you know?

Friendship Festival

There is this carnival in town near my townhouse this weekend. After sunset, I took my camera and walked over there to check it out. I was going to take some pictures but I couldn't find my tripod... yeah an excuse, really... I was too conscientious. Just too many people there. I feel embarrassed to take any pictures.

As I walked amongst the rides, game booths, and food stands, I wonder what people are attracted to in small carnivals like this one. I understand kids are excited just about every ride and game... but what about adults other than kids' parents? I do admire this simple way of life. We can and should find contentment in small things, even in a small carnival in a small town. There are many great and grand things in this world. But everything has its place, I believe.

Road of Life

To know,
to understand,
to explore,
to experience.
The road of life
is tortuous and
cannot be without pain,
yet we continue on
to achieve our greater purpose.

Jasper's Visit

Finally get to meet Jasper in person yesterday. Picked her up at the airport and had dinner with her and friends in Magianno's. Will take her sightseeing in Chicago today. Got tickets for the architecture boat tour in the evening. Today will be very hot... Jasper is going to complain about the weather all day... I guarantee.

Surreal II

Morning mist surrounds me
I can hardly make out the
silhouette of things laid in front of me
But there she is
I can smell the fragrance of her hair
I can feel her presence
I know her
yet I don't
She is so close
yet so far
Never have I had such a multitude of feelings
I am lost in the continuum of space?

Surreal I

I know what I've been feeling and
what I've been experiencing
and yet things have been so
seemingly unbelievable
or at least to me
that they are beyond my imagination
as if it has been a dream
a surreal kind of dream.

daisy

As I was leaving for rehearsal/party last night, Daisy shouted at a distance and said "I need a hug!" Then she ran to me... I lifted her up and gave her a hug and swung her around.

Daisy and Douglas are living with their grandparents and they don't get to see their father very often. Maybe once every 2 weeks or so. It must be tough for the kids not having a father around.

I am on cloud 9.

Do We Really Care?

Do We Really Care? -- Faye Wong

Joey Tang/Alvin Leong

I saw pictures of a small girl
Crying, livin in the lost world
The men fight for dear god, she don't care
Cuz there's nothin left to share

I watched TV about a sick girl
She was only nine
She'll be gone soon
When and where she's going god will know
She doesnt want the sun to go

Don't you know that we care?
Keep the faith hope is here
Deep in my heart i ask myself
Do we really, really care?

Read the paper of a colored boy
He was starving so were the lone vultures
Why so full of sorrow no tomorrow
No rainbow will he ever know

Don't you know that we care? (don't ya know that we care)
Keep the faith hope is here (hope is here)
Deep in my heart i ask myself
Do we really, really care?

Don't you know that we pray (we pray)
For you to see the light of day (the light of day)
For you to bring back the look of love
Words of wisdom is not enough

The unattainable

Lost in the reverie
of the unattainable
men move forward
toiling each step
dragging their feet
not knowing the future
yet stubbornly so
they move forward.

How ironic that men hold
dearly onto things
and people that are
no longer relevant to them.

Hide-and-seek

Daisy was playing hide and seek when I got home. She was hiding in my garage!

so darn happy

A girl, a girl, a girl....
ha ha ha ha
yeah yeah yeah

再別康橋----徐志摩

輕輕的我走了　正如我輕輕的來　
我輕輕的招手　作別西天的雲彩
那河畔的金柳　是夕陽中的新娘
波光裏的豔影　在我心頭蕩漾
軟泥上的青荇　油油的在水底招搖

在康河的柔波裏　我甘心作一條水草
那榆蔭下的一潭　不是清泉是天上的虹
揉碎在浮藻間　　沉澱彩虹似的夢

尋夢　撐支長篙　向青草更青處漫溯　
滿載一船星輝　在星輝斑爛裡放歌
但我不能放歌　悄悄是別離的笙簫
夏蟲也為我沉默　沉默是今晚的康橋

悄悄的我走了　　正如我悄悄的來　
我揮一揮衣袖　　不帶走一片雲彩

Let's translate this. I think jasper222 and I have taken a crack at it in an earlier post.

Oh you know?

Oh you know?
How hard it is
to resist the urge of
  picking up the phone and
  dialing your number;
to refrain from the temptation of
  clicking the compose button and
  writing you a message;
to restrain my restless brain from
  thinking of you and
  dreaming about you.
And you know, the hardest thing of all?
Not knowing whether all my efforts
  will end up in vain.

the conflicted

The pain as it turns out
is more than I'd like to bear.
I tell myself to let go.
Others have told me so as well.
But the stubborn side of me
refuses to budge.
Knowing is worse than not knowing--
at least it is so in this case.
And the worst thing is...
knowing is simply not knowing.
Life is full of contradictions.

Friends

I was just thinking this morning. I am fortunate to have a few very good friends. Only a few. But it's quality not quantity that counts. Just just a few words of encouragement, or a sentence or two of "low b" from them would cheer me up. Genuine care and love for each other. What more can I ask for?

Tulips

Tulips, tulips!
Why had you withered so early?
Was it the weather?
Or was it because you were foretelling my destiny?
I could only imagine you were once beautiful.
I could only imagine your flowers once spread every corner of the fields.

But I did experience that, didn't I?
Was my mind playing tricks on me?
What seemed real turned out to be just fabric of my imagination?

The icy cold Lake Michigan water did not wake me from my sweet dream.
May the dream continue...
But NO...
It wasn't a dream.
The sand dunes, the pine and cottonwood trees, even the icy cold water could testify
that I wasn't dreaming and that what I experienced was real.

What could I make out of all these?
An invisible wall had barricaded the way forward.
But I could not turn back either
for the tide was high and the water was cold.

I climbed to the top of the dune,
overlooking the far horizon
where water meets the sky.
Sun was setting.
Time did not wait on me, ticking away mercilessly...
I wished I could see farther ahead.
Yet where the sun rested was the limit of my vision.

[to be continued!?]

cold water

When a cistern of cold water tips over
and drenches you from head to toe
and you still can't accept the reality that you are wet,
......

Sand Dunes and Lake Michigan

Where the sand dunes lay,
A fool stood at the top of a mound.
Surrounded by golden waves of moving sand,
He stood still;
He never wavered;
He waited and waited.
Last time I looked,
He was still there!
Or not?
Or it was just a sculpted sand statue,
Alone,
By itself...
Withstanding the uncertain Lake Michigan wind;
Braving the pounding of Lake Michigan rain.

Picture in the newspaper

Ha... Had a sing-out Tuesday at a Senior Fair. Got a picture of me in the newspaper!

The Daily Journal

A very good idea indeed

君が好きだとさけびたい

Untitled

When the stars weep
and the moon mourns
clouds gather to collect their grief
Rain falls as teardrops
sadly yet softly upon your fields
It is when sadness of the night passes
and clouds disperse
Sunshine yet once again emerges
and warms upon your face
A new day of hope has begun

A plan to stay focus

I think what I need to do is stop thinking and keep myself busy with work.
The more time I sit idle, the more opportunities my brain has for wondering aimlessly.
Timing is a tricky thing.
I suck at it.
Big time.

Perfecto/Imperfecto

No body is perfect.
It is imperfection that defines one's life.

Sculpture

Anyone care to guess what this is?



BTW, I have no idea.

Pictures from weekend

Went to Garfield Conservatory in Chicago Saturday. A big greenhouse. Spring flower show.

Garfield Conservatory

Should have been working today. But I ended up taking a walk in Perry Farm. Snapped a few pictures.

Perry Farm--Spring 2007

A hug from Daisy.

I opened my garage door this afternoon and there she is... Daisy standing right there with her bike by her side. She asked... are you going to work? I was going to take a walk at Perry Farm (will post pictures later) and then come to work. So I said... yeah. She stretched out both of her arms, asking for a hug! Oh...... My heart just melted right there.

joy

You know what makes me truly happy after I get home from work every evening?

Seeing the kids playing outside... and Douglas would come up to me and say... Can you fix my scooter? ... and Daisy would ask.... Can you play race with me?

stressed-out

I am so burnt out at work. Really need some time to relax and recharge.

長滿在湖邊的花

I ended up singing karaoke tonight on my computer--Jacky Live Performance 2005. I think it's kinda pathetic. I finished the 2 vcds... didn't sing every song coz I don't know some of them. But I was actually enjoying myself, believe it or not. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep better tonight. The closing song is:

愛 是 永 恆 　 傳 說 中 代 表 愛 情 的 花 , 終 於 長 滿 在 湖 邊

曲 : Dick Lee 　 詞 : 林 振 強 　 編 : Iskanda Ismail

有 始 不 有 終 　 能 受 百 樣 痛 　 從 沒 有 合 約 合 同 　 但 卻 跨 時 空
這 滔 滔 不 息 的 愛 　 我 贈 給 你 用 　 這 一 生 　 和 下 世 　 有 幾 多 　 全 奉 送
閉 起 的 眼 中 　 無 論 重 又 重 　 仍 是 見 著 你 面 容 　 在 我 心 湖 中
這 份 愛 　 永 遠 都 存 在 　 共 你 同 在 　 無 盡 永 恆 中
有 著 我 　 便 有 著 你 　 真 愛 是 永 不 死 　 穿 過 喜 和 悲 　 跨 過 生 和 死
有 著 我 　 便 有 著 你 　 千 個 萬 個 世 紀 　 ( 天 老 地 老 也 好 ) 　 絕 未 離 棄 　 愛 是 永 恆 當 所 愛 是 你
兩 手 雖 似 空 　 其 實 抱 著 你 　 其 實 你 沒 有 別 離 　 在 我 心 湖 中
每 掠 過 　 也 似 風 撩 動 　 令 這 湖 上 　 無 盡 愛 浪 湧

This is what love is supposed to be. Not the perfect kinda love, but love that endures pain and sadness, and joy and hope. Love that has a beginning but with no ends. Love that requires no commitment, yet lasts forever, beyond life and death.

bike ride

You know... one unpleasant thing about riding a bike? Your butt hurts the next day.

A futile attempt to take a nap

Haven't slept well for the past couple of nights. Got back from church this morning and tried to take a nap. But my head was just full of ....., so with my eyes closed, I probably lay there in my bed for an hour.

Spring

Finally, Spring is back. But I have to work. *sigh....

Morning Duck

A female Mallard was sitting on the lawn outside of my living room window this morning. The pond is actually couple blocks away. Wonder what she was doing here. Will she come back tomorrow morning?

End of Love?

 

My neighbors' kids made this heart-shaped sign with gravel right on the sidewalk by my garage. Thought it was kinda cute. End of Love? I suppose?

Wastewater treatment in HK

Wittybb sent me this article: 黎廣德﹕淨化維港 加速發展 決心何在？

I too don't understand why Hong Kong Government is dragging its feet in wastewater treatment. Despite a large surplus in the budget, Phase 2B of the wastewater treatment plan won't be reviewed till 2010? Secondary treatment (activated sludge or other biological processes) is a must and should have been implemented along with the primary treatment (physical/chemical processes). If the government is serious about cleaning up the Victoria Harbor, it should build a treatment plant that is up to the US standards.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Never give up... no matter how difficult the situation appears to be. There is always a way out. There is always a solution. Never loose faith... never loose hope. This is the pursuit of happiness.

P.S. I think Will Smith's son deserves an Oscar for his performance.

Uh Oh

I think babies like to say "uh oh" all the time. My boss' son does that when something falls out of his hand... or whenever he feels like to. Today... a baby girl was saying "uh oh" too while I was lunching at El Burrito Loco.

A piece of advice

I asked my good friend why it is so hard to find someone whom I can share my life with?

She replied

b/c
- you're unique
- you won't treasure her as much if it's easy
- and if it's so easy she won't be special and unique?!~

Very true.

miracles

Miracles exist for those who believe in them.

Untitled

When reality hits you smack in the face,
it's got to hurt.
It is unsettling.
But truth cannot be denied.
Intuition has its place?
Or experience calling its shots?
The unknown is the biggest fear of all.
Shall we lift this fear
by revealing our true selves underneath?

Einstein and God and Science

Reading the two articles recommended by Wittybb and David... reminded me that I had actually written a couple of blog entries a while back which talked about similar issues.

An Equation...
I pondered the possibility of a single equation that would describe everything in this world and universe, including every physical thing and you and me and even our behavior. This is the deterministic view point held by Einstein. And as Christians, we believe that God has a plan for us... which in a certain sense, for He has laid out a plan, His plan is deterministic. Yet, we also speak of free will and that we are responsible for things that we do and say. It is contradictory. But I do not struggle with it. I'd like to believe that we do have free will and we should be held accountable for our actions. But who are we to say that our free will is not part of God's grand plan for us? Our free will could very well be just the random noise in the grander scale of things. Knowing this makes us humble and meek as how Jesus has taught us.

On God and Science
I struggled a great deal and I still do, to this day, on how to make compromises between faith and science. I believe science is a discovery tool... a tool that we should use to explore and understand God's creation. The more we know, we realize that there are still more things that we don't know. What remains mystery is in our faith to believe.

Easter Weekend

What a disappointment that the weather was so unseasonably cold this weekend. Despite the weather, this Easter weekend was quite good (or at least so it seemed).

Saturday, I went up to Chicago Chinatown and had "dim sum" with my friend and my boss' family of four. My boss was brave enough to try "chicken feet" but didn't like them. Andrew was so dazed at first as I had never seen him so quiet before. But then he finally sobered up and just didn't want to sit still on my lap. We did a little tour of chinatown after lunch. But it was just too cold to be walking around, let alone with two kids. Dinner was at chinatown again and met some new friends. And that was good.

Sunday morning I was at church for the Easter service. A family invited me to their Easter's dinner, for the second year. It was so kind of them.... I felt like I was in a home away from home. Jokes, laughters, and kids running around and screaming... they said grandma had a crush on me... as she complimented on my eyes, saying that there were attractive?! No one had ever said anything nice about my eyes, except with words like "tiny" and "small." Anyway, I was flattered... Kidding aside, grandma is really kind.

I took many pictures especially of the kids. Here are two of them.

Carly looking up at the balloon...


An intimate moment of Maya and Carly...

Leslie

They had the music video-movie on last night... I believe it was the last of Leslie's work. Never watched it before. Pretty good.

Snow's in the forecast later this week. Hope the Easter weekend will have good weather. Last year it was horrible. Thunder and bad storm.

Going to work this afternoon, again. Have to finish the resubmittal to INDR. My client is breathing down my neck.

A Quote That Doesn't Flow

The unreachable is most fascinating.

JC (1975-??)

....zzz

in this sleepless night
even the stars are hiding their twinkles
no more little no more wonder
the one is the special one
who flies to the moon and Jupiter

Being nice

Since everyone's written something about friendship and being nice to ppl and all. I decide throw in my 2 cents as well.

I don't have many friends, honestly I don't. I am not good at socializing. My tongue starts to tie up when I get nervous.

On the other hand, I have certain expectation on whom I choose to be friends with. I desire a higher level of connection, whether it is a on an intellectual or emotional level. This might explain why I don't have many friends.

That said. I think I have a pretty good sense of "seeing" ppl. I mean, I can tell whether a person is good or bad, not just on the surface... the deeper kind of understanding if you will. That way, I can see past one's mistakes and wrong doings, and can forgive others readily.

I hold dear to the belief that if I am nice to ppl... ppl will do the same in return. After all, you feel good anyway even you don't get anything in return. It is more blessed to give than to receive.

As for friendship, I always wonder what makes two persons click. Has it to do with personality? Or the day and time you were born? Or just random chances? Anyhow, treasure your dearest friends. I think one of our purposes in life is to make friends and develop relationships with ppl. Take away that purpose, our life would be empty and meaningless.

untitled

enduring
love
surely but slowly
ignites the
eternal flame

Crapioli

I swear I made up the word "CRAPIOLI" myself. I don't believe I've heard anyone saying it before.

But then Jasper did a search on Google. Holy Crapioli!

157 hits for crapioli

Well. Not too bad I guess. 157 great minds think alike.

Life and Nature

Watching a nature show on discovery channel...

A bird gave it best show, dancing and flashing his beautiful feathers, and yet his potential mate was not impressed and flew away.

Nature is cruel sometimes.

Life likewise.

Puzzle

To understand a person is like putting a puzzle together. The major difference is that you actually have to ask for the pieces yourself---the puzzle doesn't come in a whole set but with possible missing pieces that you may spend your whole life searching for them. Each piece of the puzzle is a tidbit of information about that person. After you gather all the pieces, you still have to find out how they all fit together.

Hand on the mouse

My boss caught me napping today. I was working on a drawing. And for some reason, my eyes were just too tired to stay open, but hand on the mouse.... my boss stopped at my door. He said, "You sleeping? I can't let this shit happening there!"

Ha ah ha... he was joking of course. But man, was I not embarrassed.

~~~~
Thanks to Jasper for the following illustration!

一凹一凸

When we are young, we can be molded to fit each other fairly easily. Even if we don't fit perfectly, we are pliable enough that our rough edges can be rounded and ground out without too much pain. Think of ourself as clay. As we dry out and get older, we can no longer be shaped into different forms easily. We settle into a rigid self.

To find the second half that fits.... is not easy any more.

But.... water. As long as the clay has not been fired before. You add water. You get back the workable clay. Yes it will take time and lots of hard work. But as long as you add enough water and with patience, your clay can be reshaped again.

weekend

Had dinner last night at a restaurant called Asian Grill in Noblesville, IN. The food was pretty good. Kinda like Asian fusion type deal. It's right there in the downtown square. A neat little downtown.

Going wine tasting today down in the Bloomington Area. They've got Oliver and Butler there. Hopefully it'll be a worthwhile trip.

untitled

eternally
lost in the continuum of
space where love
infests
every
soul
of humankind

work

Being a project manager is not easy. Thanks to my boss. All of a sudden I have five or six projects on my hand. All of which are not my usual flood studies. Yeah something new and something exciting. But then I don't have help... I need someone who can do the tedious cad and gis work for me. Yes I am lazy. I am good with GIS but not so with CAD.

A little burned out.

The Spark

I ponder the possibility of an existence
An existence of a spark that triggers a fire
A fire that burns passionately
A fire that cannot be extinguished
A fire that continues to light up the night
and brings life to an otherwise boring soul

Chicago

Had a great time with friends in Chicago Saturday.

Brunch at Orange. A good breakfast joint. Good atmosphere, good food and big serving.

Went to Lincoln Park Zoo. Spent a lot of time watching the chimps and the gorillas. The weather was really nice... in the 50s. Even the chimps were out and about. Looking at the African apes, I wish they weren't kept in cages. The facility at the zoo is really good. But I just wonder if the animals would be happier in the jungle. But then, from their perspective, they might just as well be thinking.... "what are all these people in cage staring at us for?"

Oh... we saw zebra too. Two zebras stood out from the herd of three there. One with a black body with white stripes and the other has a white body with black stripes.

Then we watched a play at Lincoln Square Theatre... Rashomon. A Japanese story about a rape and murder, being told by four people with four different contradicting accounts. Very well acted. The actress who played the samurai's wife and the actor who played the bandit were exceptionally good. Moral of the story? People see things what only they want to see and they tell only what they want to tell. We are selfish creatures; we lie; we are deceitful. But the silver lining is that we have compassion--the goodness that lies within us, no matter how deep and hidden it is, is undeniably there.

Lincoln Square... a nice street (square?) with small shops and eateries. After the play, we stopped at a pastry/coffee shop. I want to go back there later in Spring. I want to take pictures of kids playing in the plaza. I want to visit the book stores there or just stroll along all the row houses in the neighborhood.

Dinner was at Medival Times. With low expectation, I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the food and the show as well. You don't get to see people dressed up as knights and kings and princess... jousting on horses and sword fighting all the times. Eating with your fingers was actually quite a satisfying experience.

After dinner, we went to a Andy's for some good Jazz. I wish I knew how to play Jazz. Well... wishful thinking really... my piano skill has deteriorated so much due to years of lack of practice, let alone playing jazz. I will probably stick with my singing for now. Even with singing, I have a long way to go.

Childhood Games

Wittybb was writing about games we played while we were kids, which reminds me some of the fun games I used to played with my friends/classmates....

Foot Trample

ok... it seems weird but we played this game all the time in primary school. First a group gathers with each person sticking out one foot touching others'. Then take turn and jump/hop away from each other as far as possible. That will usually take about 2 rounds. Then TRAMPLING begins. Taking turn, one can stump on any other's foot with one leap. If you are able to step on one's foot, the person you step on is out. If you miss then you are in trouble because you now are very close to the person you tried to step on. So very likely you will be out soon. We used to wear "white sail fish." That is one way to turn the white fish to black fish quickly.

Sticking to the Wall

I don't remember exactly how this game is played. But basically one or two persons will serve as the "catcher" and the rest will try to stick to the wall. Usually the game is played between two columns. So the wall is actually the column. Your goal is not to get caught while running between the two columns. You can form a chain by holding hands. So as long as at least one person is touching one of the columns, the whole chain is safe unless one get chopped off. A lot of running around and screaming, but quite fun I remembered. This game is usually not allowed because running is involved. The prefect will catch you and no more "rest period."

Racing Game with Pencils

This is my favorite. I would draw a race track on a piece of paper, furnished with the starting and finish lines. Also on the racetrack are the "bouncy" guardrails. To play the game, you need pencils of various lengths. So you start at the starting line holding the top of pencil with your index finger with the pencil tip pointing at the line. You would then push the top of the pencil with your finger and create a streak or a line. Where the line fades is where you start your next turn. The idea is that if you use a longer pencil, the line you fire will be longer. If your line hits a "bouncy" guardrail, you are ok. But if you hit a solid wall... then you crash and lose a turn. I think it is really fun.... give it a try.

My Office (update)

 

 

 

Hmm...

 

An interesting picture of me! Thanks to Morgan!

15th

I was told... today is the 15th of the first month.

......

Crappy Night

Went to Jewel-Osco and mistakenly bought an expensive bottle of Pinot Noir. Thought it was 6.99 and turned out to be 18.99. Oh well. I didn't return it. Thought that I could treat myself to a good wine.

Then I got home. Opened the kitchen door. Kicked down a suitcase. Damn it. It has a laptop in the suitcase. Worse yet, it is not mine but belongs to my barbershop chorus. Then I set down the grocery... and the damn bottle slipped out of my hand. Did a somersault and landed on the kitchen floor. As it landed, glass shattered and bloody wine splashed all over the floor. ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Took me at least half an hour to clean up. Well... got wine on my down jacket... in the washer now. The good thing out of all this is that now my kitchen floor is mopped clean. And my laptop is ok.

My Office

Had been quite busy with work and everyday life since I got back from HK a month ago. Oh man, I can't believe a whole month has already gone by. I know... I still haven't written anything on my HK trip yet. It will come when time is right... eventually... I'll write about it. And the pictures... sigh....

Anyway.. have to come back to work on a Saturday morning coz my office is getting new furniture. Nice, huh? Lots of shelf space and a big desk. More room for me to pile up my junk. I am going to move the server into my office as well since I am managing it anyway.. sortof... we have a contract with a local company for computer support. But I do take care of some day-to-day problems and surprises.

I am too lazy to move my stuff to the new desk yet. My stuff is currently occupying the 2 desks on the other corner of my office that you can't see in the picture. Oh... I need some decoration too. Any ideas? I've got some pictures framed. Should hang them on the wall.

I did put up the "fei chuen" from Jasper. See the tag in the middle. See if you can read it.

Valentines... belated

On valentines day, I asked a quartet from my barbershop chorus to sing for all the ladies in my office. Here's a slideshow made by the local newspaper... I was singing in the quartet as well.

http://daily-journal.com/multimedia/display.php?id=48

Wii-athon

Picked up my friend, wu kong--the monkey (Mii nickname), from Ohare yesterday afternoon, then went to Trader Joe's to get some grocery and couple bottles of wines. I cooked chicken and some vegetables for our "year-end" dinner. The Black Mountain Chardonnay was good but the Barefoot Merlot was a bit of a disappointment. Anyway, we stated playing Wii after dinner. We started with the Sports games then moved on to the Wii Play. Then we spent all night playing Excite Truck. The Excite Truck game was a lot of fun. High jumps, drifts and crashes... We didn't realize it was 6 in the morning until we quit playing.

Happy New Year! Year Year Have Fish! Heart Thinks Things Made!

Snow and Wii

At least 12 inches of snow forecasted for tonight and tomorrow.

I got my Wii this evening! I played all the sports games. I am now exhausted. But Fun!

Shitty Island

Excerpt from The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Murakami

Somewhere, far, far away, there's a shitty island. An island without a name. An island not worth giving a name. A shitty island with a shitty shape. On this shitty island grow palm trees that also have shitty shapes. And the palm trees produce coconuts that give off a shitty smell. Shitty monkeys live in the trees, and they love to eat these shitty-smelling coconuts, after which they shit the world's foulest shit. The shit falls on the ground and builds up shitty mounds, making the shitty palm trees that grow on them even shittier. It's an endless cycle.

It's a book that I recently picked up from the bookstore. I am a third through... and I cannot put it down. The story is so fascinating and dream-like. It is as if I am reading an adult version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I am certainly going to read other novels of his.

Love and Sacrifice

to love is to sacrifice.

Back to the States

I am back to the States. Arrived Wednesday night and my boss was kind enough to pick me up at the airport. We had sushi for dinner. Poor Bo and Daisy (my boss' two dogs) were freezing in the car while we were having dinner.

The past two days I have been fighting my jetlag. Mornings were fine but then when the afternoon came around, my head would become light and start spinning and my eyes would start drooping. 2007 has been so far a year of surprises and unexpectedness. For better or worse, life goes on. It is how we make sense of it.

I was going to spend time writing about my HK trip during my plane ride. But I ended up drifting in and out of sleep. Nothing was written as a results. I will start writing soon, I promise. A lot had happened. Hope my memory will serve me well as I write. Fortunately, I do have pictures to help me remember.

Last day in Hong Kong

I am tired and exhausted as I am writing this. My 2 week trip to Hong Kong is almost over. Tomorrow I will head back to the US. On my flight home, I will try my best to recall and write down as best as I could what happened during my stay. A few unexpected things ... otherwise a good trip ... I realize I do miss Hong Kong. Not so much the city itself, but my friends and family and my childhood memories.

~~~~

Human beings are mysterious animals. Their behaviors defy simple logic. If we look at people's actions and reactions as simply mysterious behaviors and try not to find explanations for them, then life will simply be a mystery. Better leave the mystery alone and not be hurt by the mystery.

kaleidoscope rebuttal

really
twisting kaleidoscope
so cliché
who says life is always colorful?
unexpected for sure
but not always colorful

On Manipulation

Mind be controlled
He says one plus one equals three
And you dare not disagree
Truth be told
No manipulator shall exist
If you choose to resist

~~~~~~~~~
Ha ha ha... but resistance is futile. You shall be assimilated.

China From the Inside

A very nice documentary about China on PBS.

phone calls

My sister called twice; left a message on my cell phone and my home phone asking me to call her back. I still can't get a hold of her. Hope she's alright.

Update: Finally got my sister on the phone. She's alright. Just a few things about her wedding and my mom.

Lingering Christmas Cold

Just thought that I had just recovered from my Christmas cold. Well... not quite. I was late to work today. Headache and cough this morning. The headache got worse in the afternoon. Now I am ok. Still have this cough. Maybe I should see a doctor tomorrow?

Dinner

Home-made pasta sauce... Yum Yum Yum.

Update:

The Chianti was good. Got it from Costco.

kaleidoscope

LIFE is like a twisting kaleidoscope
with ever changing shapes and colors
squares, diamonds, and triangles
ruby red and turquoise green
together, pictures painted and awe inspired
tidbits of everyday moments
flash before our eyes
as if a kaleidoscope never stops turning
tears, despair, and hatred
laughters and amazement
our life formed and we EXPERIENCE

A delightful/funny lunch

My day didn't start all that well. I woke up this morning and the alarm clock read 8:40 am. After muttering a few curses, I rushed to brush my teeth. Then I realized that I had someone to come in at 9 for a job interview. My rush became a mad dash. To my own amazement, I made it to my office before 9 o'clock with a minute to spare.

The guy was already in the conference room, yet my boss was no where in sight. I called him up and he said he was still a good half hour away and asked that I would handle the interview. Arrghhh. The interview went well for me and for our new hire. And yes, we ended up hiring him on a trial basis. The rest of the morning I was training him on a few things. My boss kept emphasizing that I should not spoon-feed him so that we can gauge his skill sets. Ok... we'll see how that go. I am glad that we finally found someone to help out with projects. I've been supporting everyone by preparing nice graphs and cad drawings. It's time that I can move on to bigger and better things. Career-wise, I need to branch out and maybe get involved with different types of projects. Not that I don't enjoy doing flood studies (they are challenging at times), but it'll be nice to venture into some groundwater stuff and maybe some wastewater side of things so that I can apply what I picked up over the years in school.

Hmm... I am supposed to write about a delightful lunch. Yes... So the story goes... My coworker went out to lunch and promised to bring me back something from a new Filipino restaurant in town. She got back an hour later empty-handed. She said... "2 good news and 1 bad news." The first good news was that the food was really really good. The bad news was that you couldn't order carry-out without a 2 hour notice in advance. Huh? Another piece of good news was that she got cans of tuna stacked away in the kitchen cabinet and that I could help myself to those for lunch.

Since she was raving about the food so much, my boss and I decided to go try it ourselves. It was a buffet lunch. Got curry chicken, roast pork, sweet and sour tilapia, crispy rolls made with pork (I think), beef, fried rice, and stir-fried rice noodles. The food was surprisingly good, kinda have a home-made feel to it. Not greasy at all. If you want to order any dishes on the menu, you need to call in in advance, since according to the chef--in his exact word--he prepares everything from "raw," meaning from scratch.

The best part of the whole lunch was that after we were done eating, the chef came out and sat down and started yakking away. We talked about the Philippines, how beautiful it is, the early history of its settlement. We touched on global warming, bad food/bad customers, his business philosophy, .... the list goes on.

He is such a colorful person with a good sense of humor. We were talking about ignorance and intolerance of people and about America being a melting pot. Then he commented that unless your name is Racing Bull or Sitting Duck, you are really just a foreigner in this country. [That really cracked me up.]

He continued... "The blacks came here on the Amistad; the whites came here on the May Flower; I flew here on Northwest!" [Man, he should be on Comedy Central!]

Then he said that people told him that he came to the US and took the job away from the Americans. He would reply, "Are you a cook? Are you a nurse (he was a nurse by profession, but he loves to cook and therefore the restaurant)?... No... So I didn't take the job away from you." [I thought to myself--good argument!]

One thing he said which made my boss a little uneasy afterwards was that he has a theory about our immune system. If we aren't expose to the germs, we won't be immune from them. People use soap and wash their hands all the time... and the theory goes washing hands all the time is not necessary. [Ok he didn't say that in those exact words, but we thought he really meant it. He was a nurse for goodness sake.]

It's great that we have a little nice ethnic restaurant in an otherwise very vanilla (my boss' word, not mine) town. To me, it's always interesting to meet people from different culture and with different experience. In essence, this is what Life is meant to be lived. You live to experience the people, the nature, and all the things around you. [And don't forget God, if you believe He is among us and in us.]

So for once, my WORK infected soul seemed to be cured miraculously. I didn't really do any work today. After lunch, I was just talking to another coworker about the project we were supposed to be working on. All talk, no work. And before we knew it, it was 4:30. Time to go home.